Transition to motherhood: Why it’s important to look after yourself 

Motherhood is one of the biggest milestones in a woman’s life. Apart from the physiological, psychological, and emotional changes, there are also likely to be shifts in priorities and lifestyle. If a woman is thus not prepared for what’s to come, she can possibly lose herself in the process. 

“Before you give birth to a new life, you need to know how to give life to yourself. Self-care is important for us women, because we are nurturers. We are givers. But we can’t give from an empty cup,” says Heartworks Healing Coach Leah Eriguel in an episode of You The Mom podcast.  

So how can new moms cope with this transition? Leah and Mommy Mundo founder and YTM podcast host Janice Villanueva share some advice: 

Enjoy your pregnancy

You used to have a petite 100-pound body before your pregnancy. Suddenly you start gaining weight. You notice all these changes—your nose gets bigger, you develop brown marks around your eyes, nose, and cheeks. You feel ugly! Leah’s advice for those experiencing these: “Let it go.” Instead of getting upset with all these changes, relish the fact that there’s actually a living, breathing life inside you.

Janice says, “Give in to your cravings. Enjoy your monthly checkups—when the doctor measures your girth, when you get to listen to the heartbeat of the baby in your womb.” Delight in the knowledge that the baby in your womb is also partaking whatever you’re eating. He also feels what you are feeling.

Get to know yourself better.

You probably have a lot of questions: “What is it about motherhood that scares me? What are my beliefs about being a mom? What are my ‘shoulds’ about being a mom? Where did I get my ‘shoulds’ from?” You might have self-doubts too. “What if I’m not a good mom? What if I let my child down?”

Instead of allowing these thoughts to cause anxiety, get into a safe space, take a few deep breaths, and write all these questions in a pregnancy journey notebook. Expressive writing leads to a deeper self-inquiry. “One of the ways healing through writing works is when you put down that fear. When you call out the elephant in the room, the fear starts to lose its power on you,” says Leah. “When you write down what you’re afraid of, you become conscious and mindful of your actions and decisions. Hopefully as you go through this process, you’ll start to see things differently.”

Mindfully make time for wonder. 

Leah tells the story of a former work colleague, who lived out the “work hard, play hard” mantra in the truest sense of the term. She performed very well at work. But on Fridays, she would have an overnight bag in tow, ready to spend the weekend surfing at the beach. 

However, when she got married, Leah was surprised to find out that this friend of hers had lost her sense of fun and wonder. She would always be busy at work; her child was complaining she had no time for play. “I wrote to her, ‘What happened to you? You’re one of the most playful people I know,’” Leah recalls. It turns out, this friend had a preconceived notion of what being a proper mom should be. 

“When you become a mother, it doesn’t mean that you’d forget who you are,” says Leah.

Janice adds, “There’s nothing wrong in immersing yourself in your new role as a mother during the first few weeks. This is a crucial time to learn the ropes of motherhood. However, don’t let it take over your whole life and change who you are.”

In writing, answer these questions: “What brings me joy? What makes me feel like a child? What makes me feel alive?” Then make a manifesto, stating the kind of mother you will be, the habits you will maintain, and your list of non-negotiables. (e.g., I will never look losyang.)

Be self-compassionate

We have happy days and not-so-happy days—and that’s fine. 

“Uncomfortable feelings are guides. We need to listen to our uncomfortable feelings because these tell us that there’s something we need that we’re not getting,” says Leah. “Take deep breaths. Write your thoughts and feelings with no judgment.” 

When you’re feeling stressed, Leah says, “Put your hand to your heart. Be mindful of your breath. And then talk gently to yourself, like you would to someone you love.”

Whatever it is that you’re going through, “enjoy the process, because it will pass.” Not only would you make a wonderful memory out of it, it could also be a great transformative experience for you.

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