In a 2003 study that explored “ambiguous loss”, American researchers Tamara Golish and Kimberly Powell affirmed how “parents of premature babies underwent various grief emotions as they mourned the loss of a full-term pregnancy and feared for their child’s life and health. However, they were often unable to allow themselves to feel their grief and were unsure how to communicate it because their baby was still alive.” In an environment where more devastating loss easily happens to other families, it seemed almost disrespectful to even acknowledge pain points here and there, and yet they were real, looming menacingly.
MMPPSG: Dear NICU Nurse
I met my baby 16 hours after birth, and it took everything that I had not to dissolve into a blubbering mess when you, NICU Nurse, wheeled me in front of the incubator. I felt too many things at the same time— exhaustion from that morning’s two-months-too-early surprise birth; gratitude that my baby is here, and I am too; longing, painful longing, to hold my baby in my arms. All these emotions made me feel weak, but I soon learned that there is no room for weakness in the NICU because strength dissipates from each bassinet where a fighting baby survives and thrives.
