Navigating Modern Day Parenting & Bonding in a Digital World

The world we live in is completely digitised. Just about everything we do involves the use of a gadget or a connection to the internet. Technology and media are everywhere, and this can make parents anxious. After all, for years parents have been told of the evils of technology and over-exposure to media. And for years, parents and children have fought over technology and media use in their households. It becomes an issue of control and obedience, and the blame–often put on the media–is unwarranted. Media and tech didn’t do anything! We did.

In the past year and a half, however, many parents have had to work with technology and media and their kids. As the world almost completely digitised overnight and technology even became part of how children were to go to school, parents had to find new ways to balance the old notions and the new systems.

Media and technology should work for both parents and the family, and as a tool that can unite the family instead of divide it. This can be achieved if parents reframe the way media is seen and used in their homes. Consider these tips:

• Setting Rules

When parents set rules for media use, it shouldn’t be about policing their children’s media or tech time, but rules are important–as with anything–because they set boundaries that can help children learn to regulate their own media and tech consumption, teaching them both discipline and self-control. Some good rules include:

• Tech-free Zones

Establishing areas of the house where BOTH children and parents cannot use their devices is a good rule because it can naturally give the family tech-free time. The dining room is a good example of a tech-free zone, forcing everyone to talk as they enjoy their meals together. This can help children bond with their parents.

• Devices off at 7pm

It would be a good rule to tell children–especially younger ones–that they can’t watch TV, play on their iPads, play video games, and the like for an hour before bedtime. Having quiet time before bed and giving their eyes and brains a break from the stimulation will help them sleep better at night. It also provides parents the opportunity for quiet time with their children where they can read a book or play a card game.

• Allocate battery life

If a device is fairly new, their battery life should last a few days with moderate use. A good rule to have is that if the device should run out of battery before the intended battery life should be drained, then a child will have to wait the duration of the time media free. 

For example, a fully charged brand new iPad can last around 10 hours, depending on usage. With moderate use, that could last two days. If it is drained in one day, however, it could mean that your child has been on the device for 10 hours! Tell them that they have to go tech free the next day since that battery life should have given them two days of use and not just one. This teaches discipline and conscientiousness of time.

• Not in the bedroom

Making the bedroom a tech-free zone will help with the previous rule, AND it will also alleviate some of parents’ anxiety over what children are doing online. Parents can better overhear who their children are speaking to and what their children are doing if the tech and media are set up in a common area.

• Being deliberate, Being a role model, and Adding Care

Parents are busy. Work has entered the home, and it looks like it is here to stay. With the household duties and work duties all being in one place, parents can be quite distracted and need to use a lot of tech too! BUT the first step to children responsibly using their tech and media is by parents responsibly using technology and media too. This takes adding a lot of care and attention on the part of the parents and being deliberate with their own use of technology and media. Consider these:

• Think long term, do not use media to keep them quiet

Using an iPad to keep your child occupied does not teach them responsible media use, and it can hamper their creativity because they just might ask for it everytime they’re bored, or know that they will get it after a tantrum or two. It doesn’t teach them to manage their emotions or discipline and regulate their use of media.

• Know what they’re really watching and playing

There are a lot of apps and shows that claim to be educational, but not all of them can actually teach your child what you’re hoping they will learn. Take the time to look at what they are watching and playing and see if it matches your child’s learning style and/or plays to their intelligences.

• Be involved with who your children are talking to online

The digital world is scary, and there are predators out there. Just as you would take the time to get to know your kids’ friends at school so you can guide them on who and what makes a good friend, so too should you get to know your children’s online friends, and guide them in the same way.

• Talk to them about the dangers of online anonymity

In the same vein as the previous point, as your children become more media independent of you, be sure that you talk to them about the dangers of those predators and the different things your child may be asked to do online. Let them know that as soon as anything seems strange or as soon as any personal information or photographs of them are requested, they should inform you right away. Just so you can get to know this person asking them for these details, and then respond to the situation accordingly.

• Seeking Understanding

Reframing how we see technology use and media consumption can really help parents understand what they are seeing. A young boy might seem disconnected from the world and overly connected to his video game, but taking the time to look at the game and play with them could reveal that they are talking to other children, learning teamwork, and acquiring skills (lots of games involve on the spot calculations and working with statistics) parents didn’t need at that age. Similarly, a teenage girl may seem socially isolated and always on her phone when really, a quick look can reveal she is having lively group chats with her girlfriends and having regular online parties.

Taking the time to understand the platform children are using can make a world of difference for parents, and for the kids too! Children will appreciate their parents spending the time with them, especially if it means mom and dad can now play with them too!

Media and technology as a part of everyday life are here to stay. Parents have long stopped fighting it, but not all of them have fully embraced the power it can give them and the ways it can unite their family. Consider the above tips as a good start, and apply what you feel works best for you and your kids. And if you haven’t yet, set up a group chat with your children as soon as you’re done reading this!