Having a baby is one of the most exciting times in a couple’s life together. The anticipation, the expectation, the tiny little things! Many couples often get caught up in the excitement, and then the baby comes and then they realise all the things they didn’t think about. This is normal! If you are in this boat, worry not! If you are not yet in this boat, then know that you have the chance to prepare a bit more.
Sitting down and having a serious discussion on how life will be managed when the baby arrives is one of the most responsible things a couple can do. Not only will it better prepare you for the baby, but being able to manage each other’s expectations can save you both on potential disagreements. While there are certainly plenty of topics to discuss, here are five that can get you started:
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Do you share the midnight feeding responsibilities?
This can be a big one for some couples and no biggie for others, but it’s always safest to discuss it ahead of time. What makes the most sense given your lifestyles? Can both of you wake up or does one of you need to sleep more so as to be alert for work the next day? Will you be exclusively breastfeeding? If so can someone take on night feeds with expressed milk? How will momma balance out her sleep during the day? These are great questions to discuss and answer ahead of time!
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When can / should “Mom” go back to work?
For some families, being a stay-at-home-mom is what works best. For other families, mom returning to work as soon as maternity leave is over is what is necessary or preferred. The decision needs to be made clear before the baby comes so that the family is prepared, not just for the baby’s care, but also financially.
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How will you discipline the baby?
Believe it or not, even little babies need to be disciplined. Whether it be sleep training, feeding schedules, methods of soothing, etc. there are ways to teach your child what you believe to be acceptable behaviour even in their early weeks of life. It is important that the couple be on the same page about this so as not to confuse the baby and so as to keep the overall peace in the home.
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What is your stance on social media exposure?
This is a two-part question. The first is: when does the baby get to see a screen? Most pediatricians and psychologists prefer that parents hold off until the child is around four or five, and even then screen time needs to be limited. The second is: will you be posting photos of your baby on social media? For some couples it is natural, for others the baby is very private, others still have different views. A decision of if and when will need to be made.
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How involved will grandparents be?
This is a big one!! Some couples want their parents to be just as much a parent to their children while others need to draw clear boundaries on what grandparents can and cannot do. Will grandparents also get on board with how the couple wants to raise and discipline the child? This two part conversation (one as a couple and another as a couple with the grandparents) is long and sensitive, but it can be done peacefully!
These five questions are just the tip of the iceberg of what needs discussing. Other considerations include the baby budget (how much can you spend and you need to spend), religious upbringing, type of school, and more! The more you discuss the easier it will be to keep covering topics and the easier it will be when the baby finally comes. With more of these issues decided on and in place, the more time you will spend just enjoying your new baby!
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