Why is disciplining our children one of the biggest challenges of parenting? Is it because we feel that the discipline methods used for us were ineffective? Or we think they were effective for us but not for our children, who are so different from us? Or are our perceptions of discipline skewed by the pressures and expectations of society?
Whatever the case maybe, two things are for sure: (1) Discipline is an important and necessary part of your child’s life. (2) You are the final and only authority on why and how your child is to be disciplined.
That being said, here are a few insights that we hope will help you decide on the discipline method that is right for your child and you as the parent.
1) Listening
Communication is key to successful discipline, and its first step is listening. When a child is misbehaving, many parents immediately zero in on the behaviour and not what might be behind it. Trying to actively listen to what the child–regardless of age–is really trying to say will often lead to a fairer method of disciplining because the parent understands.
2) Seeking understanding on both ends
Listening and seeking understanding can be a challenge when your child isn’t fully able to express himself/herself yet, but there are ways to decipher what they’re trying to tell you.
Hand in hand with listening is seeking understanding. Once a parent understands what their child is really trying to say it is just as important that the child understands the parents reasons for disciplining. Explaining the problem or issues with the behaviour and why a consequence is being given will often help the child not to do it again.
3) Setting Limits
Parents should set limits and make their child aware of what the limits are. How much noise is acceptable, for example? After all, it is next to impossible to ask a child not to make any noise! Once the limit has been set, stick to it!
4) Giving consequences
Making sure the child is aware of the consequences of going beyond the limits or breaking the rules will help them better accept whatever consequence they have to face. Consequences are dependent on the parent.
5) Giving ample attention
Remind your children of the kind of behaviour you continuously would like to see. For example, taking care of their younger siblings.
Sometimes–and toddler parents will notice this often–children misbehave when they want more attention. Giving a child time and attention often leads to better behaviour. This is because misbehaving is just one way of expressing that they miss their parents. (See listening in #1.)
6) Applauding good behaviour
When a child is behaving well, commending them for their good behaviour is another way to encourage said behaviour. Praising a child also encourages them to behave better in general (not just for the behaviour you praised). Applauding good behaviour makes disciplining easier because parents will find that they will be disciplining less often.
7) Ignoring
Still a good method of discipline, ignoring tantrums and fits is another way to tell the child that the behaviour isn’t tolerated. This is especially true when the underlying reason is to get attention. (But please check #5 first)
8) Prepping
One great way to prevent reasons to discipline is to prep the child. Telling them what is about to happen that day so that they know what to expect can get them ready to handle unusual or new stimuli that may have resulted in undesirable behaviour.
The key to successful disciplining, regardless of the chosen method, is being consistent. Not only because this will give children a sense of security—yes, even in disciplining them when they know what to expect they will feel safe despite the consequences of their bad behaviour.
This is part of healthy parenting and healthy parent-child relationships. Once consistency is achieved so is sustainability. As mentioned previously, consistency develops into habit, which is why it is important to choose and practice the ones that fit best for a parent’s parenting style.
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