MomSchool Recap! Conscious Parenting: Helping Siblings Get Along

Mommy Mundo’s Conscious Parenting workshops have become an event that the Mommy Mundo community has come to look forward to every month.  Taught by Kit Malvar Llamas, a Conscious Alchemy Strengths Coach and founder and CEO of Camp Explore, the Conscious Parenting series takes moms and dads through the journey of caring for their inner child and parenting themselves as a method of understanding themselves, their children, and to become the type of parents they wish to be.

Kit is the first Filipino coach in the Philippines certified with Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s Coaching Institute on the Conscious Parenting Method, a certified facilitator of Dr. Stephen Covey’s, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, and People Acuity certified coach and facilitator.

In Conscious Parenting’s November session, Kit took parents through an important topic: helping siblings get along!  Any parent with more than one child knows the ups and downs of sibling rivalry, sibling disagreements, and fights.  Many of those who worry the most are the ones who had it the worst, those in constant power struggles with their siblings (some lasting well into adulthood).

For parents to encourage and help their children build healthy and strong sibling bonds, Kit gives the following reminders:

• Sibling Rivalry is NORMAL.  When siblings fight, a majority of the time it is not an emergency situation. So, we do not need to react like it’s an emergency, and as always, check in with our own energy as parents before entering the situation so as to know how best to respond and not react.  There are a number of factors that affect sibling rivalry:  age, gender, personality / temperament of children, size of the family, age gaps, and position in the family.

• Parents are NEVER a judge, jury, or lawyer.   Parents need to act like a sportscaster, meaning: neutral in all situations.  They need to bring the energy of a mediator and pull out commonalities and strengths of each child, while giving them equal air time to express their feelings and narrate what happened.  Parents need to accentuate both frustrations within camaraderie and love without taking sides, and co-creating solutions and agreements moving forward.  

• Even if we cannot prevent ALL sibling fights, there are proactive steps parents can do to teach their children the skills to resolve conflict, which is part of every human relationship.  Sibling rivalry and fights are teachable moments on how to express their needs and wants, respectfully set boundaries, and problem solve.  

Some lessons to Calm the Drama and Promote More Love in Families:

• Respect each child’s unique needs.  We don’t need to treat children equally, rather uniquely.

• Make sure our children get enough personal space that they feel it is their own.   

• Create ground rules as a family that may be reviewed when conflict arises so the emotion won’t be directed at the person, but processed with the agreed rules.  

• Institute self-regulated turns instead of forced sharing to foster generosity and lessen conflict.

• Model how you want them to use their words and not their fists. 

• How parents resolve their own conflicts with adults is what children will see and copy. This is an important point to keep in mind!

• During peaceful times, brainstorm with your kids about how to resolve conflict and accentuate the positive behaviors they do.

• Always empathize with your family members and make them feel that their feelings are valid. Afterwards, set definite limits on their actions.

• Anticipate the problems before they arise and intervene before a fight erupts.  

• AVOID comparisons at all times.   

• Work to create an atmosphere of kindness and appreciation in the house and help them work as a team.

• Never punish your kids.  Causing physical pain, emotional pain, or social isolation does not have any positive effects, and even creates more anger and causes more fighting and/or repeated misbehavior.

• Remember, they are STILL KIDS!  

One of the biggest keys to helping siblings understand each other is teaching them to respect each other as sovereign beings.  Being siblings doesn’t mean being exactly alike, and learning to respect your siblings personality while celebrating their strengths will help ensure healthy relationships through adulthood.

Catch the next Conscious Parenting session on Google Meet by following Mommy Mundo on Facebook and Instagram, and staying tuned to Mommy Mundo Events!