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“Raising teenagers is a roller coaster ride,” says Mato Arcenal Fuentes, mom of four. “One minute you are laughing or joking with them, the next minute you almost want to smack them.”
As your child transitions from childhood to adulthood, he’s bound to experience all sorts of emotions as he tries to figure out his identity and find his place in the world. He’ll go through adjustments, and as a parent, you’ll inevitably be part of this journey.
We asked three moms of teenagers to share their insights on this exciting yet challenging stage.
#1 Raising teenagers can be fun.
Having a teenager around the house could give parents great pleasure at it harks back to the good old days of their youth. In addition to that, Mato says, “[Teens] are fun to be with… I like meeting their friends and I listen to their antics and laugh with them.”
Tatah Costales Dela Calzada, mom of one, says she likes getting updated on the latest trends and craze through her teenage son. “I feel younger,” she says. She and her husband like hanging out with their son, staying at home for movie marathons, wine-and-cheese or beer-and-pizza nights.
#2 The fact that they’re older and more independent makes parenting a bit easier.
Carrie Bucu says she appreciated her children’s teenage years, because they were already independent, taller than her, and with developed motor skills. “I just had to give instructions or remind them what to do and they would be able to do tasks by themselves. I especially loved it that my daughter could independently pitch in on cooking duty since she was 13.”
Tatah shares, “I always have an able and willing driver and errand boy, giving me extra me-time during my days off.”
Carrie enjoyed more me-time, too, as her teens were able to study by themselves. “In their early teens when they were in high school, I would have to remind them to study for their exams. But later on, a few months into college, they quickly developed the initiative to prepare well for their tests and to submit projects on time or even a bit early.”
#3 You can have amazing conversations with them.
“When my kids were 16 to 19 years old, I totally appreciated the fact that I could have more mature conversations with them, whether through calls, chats, or in person,” says Carrie. “We could watch a movie or TV show and have a good laugh together. When moral issues in a movie were in question, we could discuss them and I could present them with points to ponder on, without having to water down life’s realities.”
Mato adds, “They are inspiring. When my teenagers open up, I share with them a part of me. I give them advice based on my experiences.” She feels particularly privileged when her teens let her into their world because she knows that she has earned their trust.
#4 They can sometimes be irritating.
Carrie says she had difficulty dealing with her teens’ mood swings. “When they like where you’re going or what you’re doing or if it interests them, they are really okay,” she says. “But when they think it’s not cool, they’re very transparent. You can see it in their faces and actions.”
At times when her teens get on her nerves, says Mato, she makes sure to tell them how they made her feel and how “uncool” that is.
#5 They could make you worry.
Part of being a teenager is meeting up with friends, playing games, and yes, falling in and out of love. All of these can cause momma to worry.
Tatah says, “I worry a lot when my son’s driving at night especially because he’s always the last to go home. He has the tendency to drive his friends back to their homes, which is something we instilled on him—a concern for everyone’s safety.”
“I worried about those computer games!” Carrie says. “I was always tempted to ban them altogether, but that would not have taught them anything. Fortunately, they learned which game content were unacceptable and which ones they could play on weekends, only from Friday night to Sunday afternoon. The unexpected icing on the cake came when they developed the initiative to skip playing in favor of studying. But this only came at 18 years old, so there was a five-year struggle before that,” she says.
Tatah says, “When he’s heart-broken, we’re heart-broken as well.”
“When they are in a difficult situation, you have to keep your cool and at the same time be strong in helping them deal with it,” Mato says, adding that it feels like an achievement when they go to her during difficult times. “I am not happy that they have to go through these things but I am happy that they go to me during these times.”
#6 You have to tread cautiously.
“Raising a teenager is very challenging. You have to be strong-willed,” says Mato. “We always have to be careful when dealing with them. Most of them think differently. We must have more patience. We want them to fully understand what we’re trying to say but we must also be careful in our choice of words, our tone of voice, etc. It actually depends on the situation and their emotional state.”
Carrie says, “The greatest challenge was to hold myself back first whenever I disliked something they did. In their younger years, I could just step in and intervene. When they were in their teens, I always had to balance respecting their learning space versus instilling in them what I already know.”
In the end, Mato says, it all boils down to respect. “Respect them so they will respect you. Listen to them so they will listen to you. Lastly, always let them know that you love them no matter what.”
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