A lot of mothers may feel they aren’t enough, even if she is giving her 101% for family, for her children’s welfare. She makes sure she’s the first to wake up in the morning to prepare breakfast and nice-looking, healthy baon for her kids.. She physically exhausts herself every day to do all the chores for her family. Then she goes off to work and sacrifices her time away from her kids to ensure they live a comfortable life. At night, she puts everyone to sleep first before she retires, usually late. Serving her family is her priority, giving her all to the point that sometimes nothing is left for her. And yet, she is judged for her choices. Sometimes, moms are looked down upon, judged by the way she looks or how she chooses to raise her family. It’s as if whatever she does, there is a norm, a standard that she doesn’t pass. But what’s more pressing is that, at times, these shamings come from fellow moms.

In a recent social media video by actress, singer, host and mom, Kat Alano, she delved into her personal experience on mom shaming. Kat received unsolicited advice from a woman who said “Diet ka ha!”, even after knowing that she had just given birth recently.

Her post is highly relatable considering this is an issue that most moms go through. Kat shares and creates a distinction between a ‘dad bod’ from a ‘mom bod’; and how society’s standards are one-sided (favoring men). She questions society’s ability to accept men to have ‘dad bods’, while talking

about why women are easily subjected to judgment just because they don’t meet society’s standards on how a woman should physically look like.

“A Mom Bod is (from) somebody who has grown a human being.. given birth… and then fed (him) through (her) body for a long time. Yet the pressure of society for a woman to bounce back super fast and be in really great shape right away is ridiculous.”

While there are moms who have the time and resources to afford trainers and have caregivers, there are many others who choose to take care of their children themselves and can’t seem to go back to their prenatal shapes. These moms are being shamed for having a mom bod. Kat shared the same experience. She feels that this kind of mentality is what makes moms feel bad about themselves or feel they are not good enough just because of their Mom Bod..

When you see a mom, don’t tell her to lose weight. Don’t tell her how she should be. Let’s stop talking about people’s weight, unless it’s a health issue. We have a serious obsession in the Philippines about image, and image is NOT EVERYTHING.

Kat’s IG TV video has been viewed over 30,000 times receiving more than a hundred comments from her celebrity friends, such as Iya Villania-Arellano and Christine Babao. She has received support from her audience / followers – especially moms who are empathetic to the experience of mom-shaming due to their postpartum weight, or how they look post-pregnancy.

This post has since sparked a strong conversation among moms who shared their own mom-shaming experiences. Most moms gave words of encouragement to Kat and other moms too. Mom-shaming is an issue which is experienced by regular and celebrity moms alike.

Iya commented, “Love this, Kat! PRESSURE is what made me want to bounce back right away. But really, we need to respect what our bodies have been through and give it time to heal and recover. Postpartum is forever!”

Christine Babao also relates to the mom-shaming issue and shares, “Dear Kat, bravo! Well said! I can totally relate to what happened to you. It’s very Pinoy kasi na people, instead of asking ‘kamusta ka?’ the first thing they will notice is kung tumaba ka ba or pumayat ang isang tao, kung tumanda ba o kalbo na, kung mukhang mayaman o mahirap.” She continues with “They have no right to do that. This is our own body they are shaming.”

MOMS SHARE THEIR MOM-SHAMING EXPERIENCES:

Apart from shaming moms about weight or how they’ve grown bigger / heavier postpartum, moms are also shamed for other things. It could be their decision to breastfeed (or not), their choice to stay-at-home to care for their children or pursue a career, their choice (or due to circumstances) to be a single mom or their choice to become an OFW.

She may be giving and doing her best, but still, it doesn’t exempt her from mom-shaming. We’ve asked a few moms about their experiences and how they reacted or stood up for themselves. These moms stood up to their shaming experiences. Because of this, they gave some advice to other moms who still experience mom-shaming because of looks or motherhood choices.

Vanessa, a mom of two, shared an account of how someone stared at her from head to foot when she publicly breastfed her firstborn in a mall while vlogging about it. She knew that her choice to breastfeed was for her child, so she felt bad for that woman and prayed for her instead. She sends love to all moms being shamed for their choices and said, “just accept their opinions, evaluate if it can help you grow as a mom, but always remember you do you. You know what’s best for your baby and your family.”

When Denise, mom of two, decided to stay at home, many people told her that modern moms should find ways to earn money and not just take care of her family. It affected her emotionally and psychologically for almost a year; until she found her place in blogging & creating content. She used the hurtful words thrown at her as motivation to be better. It allowed her to become solutions-driven rather than dwell on put-downs. Her two cents to moms shamed for choosing to stay at home instead of working: “There is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home-mom…it’s the noblest job ever. But in everything, give your best shot, give your all. So whatever role you take, whether you make packed lunches or client presentations, your passion for what you’re doing comes out.”

Ice, a mom to three was mom-shamed because of her mom bod. She used to be fit and fab but after giving birth to her youngest, a neighbor tactlessly commented “Grabe, ang taba mo!” Since it was two months postpartum, it affected her both emotionally and psychologically. She got support from her husband who said that she’s a wonderful mom and a perfect wife. She was also told by her husband that she’s the most beautiful in his eyes and no one should make her feel bad about herself. Her postpartum blues had a lot to do with her feeling affected. She now realized that she’s enough and all that matters is how she’s doing her best as a mother and how her husband loves her. She says, “Know that in God’s eyes, you are enough, that you are the most beautiful woman in your children’s eyes. That’s all that matters.”

MOMS EMPOWER MOMS

Omni, mom of three, said that she doesn’t recall a time being mom-shamed; maybe because she took negative comments as constructive criticism. “I feel for those who experienced it. You know what’s best for you and your kid. You can manage your emotions and thoughts. If it’s coming from people you love, it must be out of their concern for you. Just listen and process it without thinking they mean to hurt you. Just always find something positive with what they say so that it will turn out to be good for you.”

Liz, who has a daughter, would like to tell her fellow moms to just “Shake it off! As long as you know what you’re doing and it’s fueled with love and care, just make informed choices and you’ll be fine. Find beauty in negative situations. You’ll get by with lots of prayers, love, and support from people who matter.”

Nadine, mom of one, empowers other moms by saying, “Do not aim to please everyone and do what works for you. You know your body and your child better than anyone else.”

Mommy Mundo supports ALL MOMS and we understand what every mom at any stage feels and goes through. We share the same sentiments as Kat on mom-shaming. We are strongly against it. We always encourage a positive, safe, empowering, and inspiring mom environment through meaningful connections and helpful conversations that are felt and seen in the efforts and avenues we offer to moms – from our community events and gatherings, to the information we share, and of course, our Mommy Mundo community where moms support moms
.