How Many Kids is Ideal?

Couples wonder this all the time, they get asked all the time, and they genuinely wonder this all the time: How many kids is ideal?  The short answer, of course is “however many you can handle,” but that answer in itself requires a lot of consideration.

Parents attention

First, parents often consider their ability to give each child the proper time, care, and attention. If parents both work and are very busy then having several kids can be a challenge they aren’t ready or able to handle. Children not only require attention and care at home to grow up happy and well-adjusted, but as they get older parents will also have to coordinate activities (many extracurricular) and navigate personalities, among the many considerations that come with a single child alone.

Multiple children is often ideal if one of the parents’ time is flexible enough that they can stay home often and help assist the children with their activities and needs. Even then it isn’t without its challenges. The parent that is less flexible in terms of time away from work will still have to find ways to schedule quality time with all the kids and with each kid individually.

Sibling dynamics

The next consideration is sibling dynamics. Many studies have shown that having siblings is beneficial for children. Two-sibling households benefit children greatly by allowing them similar-age interaction, teaching them values such as sharing, honing important life skills such as negotiation, and expanding their understanding of other people and personalities. Three-sibling households offer the same benefits, except stronger. For example, some studies have shown that middle children in three-sibling households tend to have high emotional intelligence because they are often the ones left to bridge the gap between the oldest sibling and the youngest sibling, and depending on age gaps the job can be tricky.

Even more siblings will lead to the same benefits, but at a certain number, siblings can become less close, either due to age differences or personalities, and garnering parents’ attention can be more challenging. In some cases children from families with many siblings can come off as pushy or needy in other social settings, and it may be due to their always having had to fight for attention in their homes.

Financial considerations

A large factor in the decision making process of how many children couples have is the financial aspect. The truth is that children are expensive. Infancy alone has pediatrician visits, vaccines, diapers, and clothing. Then there’s school, extracurricular activities and hobbies, more doctors appointments, dentist appointments, emergency medical bills, toys and gadgets, and the list continues. 

When it comes to financial considerations, parents need to first assess if they are able to provide the basics: food, clothing, shelter, and schooling. If these are affordable, everything else is actually down to creativity, hand me downs, and active parenting so that children do not feel like they lack anything. But again, the question comes down to whether or not active parenting or parents really being present and attentive to their children is possible. 

In the great consideration for the exact number of children that makes it ideal for both parents and the children, the psychological care and well-being of the child is the biggest consideration. If parents can continue to provide this as the number count rises, then having multiple children can bring much joy to a household. Parents simply need to be realistic and honest with themselves and what they can do.