Planned Parenting: Ideal Age Gaps for Children

Many new parents or newly married couples often wonder how to space their children apart.  As much as the number of children need to be considered, so do their age gaps.  Here are four of the most typical age gaps considered and what parents can expect from each.

• One year age gap

Having an infant while your previous child has just become a toddler will be very challenging for parents.  Some toddlers are still teething and can still be waking up at night and requiring night feeds.  Dividing time will be a challenge, and you’ll probably need to buy two of everything since the toddler is likely to still be using his/her toys and clothes.  However, an age gap as close as this can be ideal for children later in childhood and life.  The children will grow up very close, and they will likely remain close throughout their lives.  This age gap will take its toll on the woman’s body though, and that is something to consider. 

• Two year age gap

This age gap will yield similar benefits and results for the children as the one-year age gap, but not as taxing on a woman’s body.  In fact, waiting the extra year reduces the risks of pregnancy complications.  The challenges will come when the older child hits their terrible twos and they want attention.  This can lead to jealousy and sibling rivalry, making it difficult to teach the concept of sharing to the older child.

• Three year age gap

Much easier on a woman’s body than both previously mentioned age gaps, and fewer pregnancy risks and complications, this age gap’s biggest challenge is also jealousy from the older child.  Often, a three-year-old will already be in morning or afternoon playschool, giving them the sense that their little siblings get more time with their parents and a sense of unfairness.  It is important for parents to make the three-year-old as much a part of the process of having a new baby as possible.  This age gap also gives parents a good idea of what the financial demands of having children might be, making them better informed on whether they can have another child or whether they should wait a while longer.

• Four year age gap (and up!)

In terms of sibling relationships, this is a great age gap for children.  The older child is well adjusted to school, likely to be more independent–sleeping alone or on their own, no longer in diapers or wetting the bed, and with a routine and group of friends they are used to having.  This is usually the time that older children ask for siblings and that can make having the next child much easier.  The challenge will come when it is clear that the children have different interests, wants, and needs, due to their different stages in development.  That can make it difficult to get the children to bond with each other.

More than age gaps, looking at finances, your age, and your lifestyle (for example: will you have help or nannies or will you be caring for the infants on your own?) are important considerations when having children.  Taking each of these into consideration is not just important, but responsible.  Ideally, every child should be planned, and thinking of these three factors can help make the decision.