Returning to Work: Coping with Separation Anxiety

As the end of maternity leave looms its head, many moms begin to feel a special kind of anxiety.  The feeling comes with many questions, but the main one is this: how do I leave my baby and go back to work?

Commonly known as Return to Work Syndrome, the separation anxiety (and all the other feelings that come with it) is very common when parenting infants. It is especially difficult for first time parents. After all, you’ve just been given the greatest gift you’ve ever received. How do you walk away?

The best way to cope with separation anxiety or Return to Work Syndrome, like all complex feelings, is to identify what you are feeling and then do what you can to address each one.

Common Feeling Number One: Fear

It is very natural to feel fear from all fronts. There is the fear of leaving your child–what if something goes wrong?  There is the fear that if you don’t return to work you will lose your job–what if you can’t provide for your child?  

There is the fear that your child will forget you–what if they spend so much time with their caregiver or nanny that you’re no longer needed?

All these feelings are very natural. That can’t be stressed enough. Here are some ways to manage them:

1. Spend time with your child’s primary caregiver. 

Whether it be a nanny, a grandparent, or other relative, well before you go back to work, spend time with the person who will be caring for your child. Spending time with them and your baby can alleviate a lot of fear. 

It will help you see that your baby is in good hands. This will also give you plenty of time to specify how you want your child to be cared for and give you time to brief them on when they should call you and for what reasons.

2. Begin spending time away from your baby.

Before you go back to work full swing, spend some time (a couple of hours every other day or every few days) away from your baby. This will get you used to the feeling of being away from your little one. Doing this will make it easier when you return to work.

Common Feeling Number Two: Guilt

Many women feel pressure to return to work, whether it be for financial reasons or out of a sense of obligation to your team, and not wanting to return to work can bring on a feeling of guilt. 

On the other side of that, leaving your baby to return to work and looking forward to work can also bring on a feeling of guilt. As mentioned before, it’s complex!

Again, the feelings are natural. Here’s how you can manage them:

1. Plan your work week ahead

One good way to lessen the feeling of guilt is knowing that you’ve done what you can to make life easier for you and your child. For you, try to plan your work week ahead. 

Take some time on Sunday to choose all the clothes you’ll be wearing for the week, making notes for your meetings and tasks, and/or fixing your schedule at work. 

This feeling of being prepared will not just help you get back into the groove of things, but it can alleviate some of the guilt you feel having been away so long.

2. Plan your pumping schedule ahead

Similar to planning your work week, planning your baby’s week can also help lessen your guilty feelings. One major task you can do is pump ahead! 

Try to imagine when and where you will be able to pump at work and how often. Begin pumping at least two weeks before returning to the office so that your baby has enough milk for when you are away. 

Keep that schedule–as much as you can–while at work and freeze the milk right away. Remember the rule: first in, first out!

Common Feeling Number Three: Exhaustion & Frustration

If your baby is not yet sleeping through the night when you return to work then the exhaustion will creep in within a week or two. 

The dual roles–being at work full time and being a nursing mother full time when you get home–will take a toll on your body. You will begin to feel a lack of focus and constant fatigue both in the office and at home, and this will lead to frustration because you will be unable to do your tasks as well as you’d like.

Relax, Momma! The feeling is natural! Here’s what you can do:

1. Try to sleep-train your baby before going back to work. 

Some moms have been able to sleep train their infants in very early infancy. If you are able to give your baby a schedule where they are sleeping more at night, you will be able to get more rest too. (Read about sleep training your infant.)

2. Remember to relieve your stress! 

When you feel frustrated, don’t get upset. Just take a step back and do something for yourself. Whatever it is that relaxes and recharges you, do that! You’ll be able to function much better after a bit of me time. (Read Finding Me-Time As A Full-Time Mom.)